Are You Friends With You?

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The first reaction to someone asking a question like “Do you see yourself as your friend?” tends to be either of pity, in the sense that the person assumes that must mean you don’t have any real friends, or of you appearing mentally unstable, like you’re approaching some kind of multiple-personality disorder. Let’s define my meaning so this knee-jerk reaction is accounted for.

Do you look at yourself, in the mirror, at your hands, at your body, at your actions, at your eyes and face, and see you and only you? Or maybe do you feel you may be an amalgamation of multiple “people” that make up what we see and experience as you? Throw away ideas of multiple personality disorders and such, this isn’t the same thing.

Can you love or hate yourself? Most people would say you can feel something towards yourself in one way or another, we do this all the time with others, why are ourselves so different? We say things like “I’m disappointed in myself” as if we’re talking about something external to us when we know full well that we mean the self. Doesn’t this sort of hint that our self and personality is broken up internally? As if there are multiple “selfs” that act and react to life’s stigmas depending on multiple factors like mood, setting and whom is concerned.

©Emi Yanez
©Emi Yanez

A different shade of you – so to speak – will reveal itself and act accordingly depending on your circumstances and frame of mind. If things haven’t been going so well lately, maybe apathetic you takes the wheel, so you begin to not care so much about yourself and what’s around you. You may experience something that motivates you, so the motivated shade of you takes the wheel for a bit. The problem comes when we begin to despise the shade that’s in control.

Depression is the best example of this. Bad stuff happens, depressive you comes to the forefront. Depressive you stops you experiencing fun and happiness, you begin to loathe him, then he becomes a stronger part of your total self. Eventually this shade consumes most of who you are, you become one and you realise you are not friends with you, rather you’re the opposite of your ideal self.

I think it’s important to actively and passively take time to maintain a healthy relationship with one’s self. This can be done through solitude, taking part in activities you find fulfilling and being creative in whatever means you chose. Also listening to your body and it’s needs, so the basics like eating right, treating one’s self and having the right amount of a sex life your body wants. The body and mind are not separate beings, the body is the mind and the mind is the body. That’s why it is important to nourish the needs and wants of the self psychologically and physiologically.

Do experiment with different shades of self, observe your actions and thoughts during different points in your everyday life. This can lead to becoming aware of how to stay balanced and friends with you.

If you are not friends with yourself then I implore you to take the necessary journey to strengthen that bond within self. You’ll never reach your full potential unless you have your own back 100%. Your closest ally is yourself.

– Jamie


Featured Image: ©John O’Nolan